Dear Hangover

You are everything I hate and despise in my life.

I mean that.

To the one’s who forgot about me…

I already forgot about you.

The dooce

dooce

Check out her blog, I promise you won’t be let down.

Longer Days & Shorter Nights

We set our clocks ahead this past weekend, and that  means only one thing………it’s almost boating season!!!!  

I love boating, the sun, water, and friends are an amazing thing to be around in the hot summer days.  I love drinking beer, standing on the sandbar and being with all of my closest friends.  Without boating season, I would have no reason to look forward to summer.

It is indeed my friends who make things seem alright, no matter how down I am, they can always bring a smile to my face.

I talked to Lara the other day, we have both seemed to be going on our separate ways, but we made a promise to each other to stay in touch.  I honestly hope that stays true.  She always seems to make me smile, even on my worst of days.

Into The Mind…..

Many people ask me why I when I write why things seem so dark.  Most people see the outside of me, which hides how I really feel.  I don’t often let people into my mind or heart, so feel special.  It’s not like I have really lived that bad of life, it just seems that it doesn’t take much to make me sad, or make me hide. 

The thought of being lonely is one that scares me the most.  Even though I have a huge amount of friends and family, I still feel alone and scared.  I have been betrayed a lot in my life, by all types of relationships.  I often read on other blogs about peoples lives, and I realize that things could be a lot better, and things could sure be a hell of a lot worse. 

Please don’t misunderstand me, I am truly a happy person….MOST of the time.  Things for me have gotton a lot better in the recent year or so.  I am trying to make the most out of my life, it will just take me time to turn my mood or mindset around.

To those in my life who make me smile, I thank you so much, you bring out the light in my day.

To Lara………

I hope that you know how much you mean to me, and how in love with you I was.   I hate the fact that we drifted apart and don’t talk anymore.  You were my everything.  I miss being your “starshine” and the 5am phone calls to wake me up.  I wish you the best in your life, and I hope that you find the happiness you deserve.  Thank you for all of the memories that you gave me and the smiles that you brought to my face, you will always be my starshine.  I will always love you more then I can ever express.

I close my eyes
And I smile
Knowing that everything is alright

To the core
So close that door
Is this happening?

My breath is on your hair
I’m unaware
That you’ve opened the blinds
And let the city in

God, you held my hand
As we stand
Taking in everything

And I knew it from the start
So my arms are opened wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we are tying hard not to fall asleep…

But here we are
On this 18th floor balcony,
We’re both flying away

So we talked
About moms and dads
About family pasts
Just getting to know where we came from

Our hearts
Are on display
For all to see
I can’t believe this is happening…to me

I raised my hand as if it to show you
That I was your, I’m so yours for the taking
I’m still so yours for the taking

And that’s when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
These words to say
And then you kissed me

And I knew it from the start
So my arms were opened wide
Your head is on my stomach
And we’re trying hard not to fall asleep…

But here we are
On this 18th floor balcony,
We’re both flying away

And I’ll try to sleep
To keep you in my dreams
Till I can bring you home with me
Yeah, I’ll try to sleep
And keep you in my…dreams

I knew it from the start
My arms are open wide
Your head is on my stomach
No, we’re not going to sleep

Here we are
On this 18th floor balcony… we’re both..
Flying away

Fun In The Sun

I learned a lot about myself on our recent trip to Playa Del Carmen, MX.  I learned that family means a lot more to me then I though, as cold as that sounds.  I never felt welcome in my family of step brothers and step dad until this trip.  I felt so good during my week in MX that I almost started to cry when I returned home. 

No Wait.

I did.

I have however met two very incredible people in the forum that I visit often that inspire me to do things in my life.  Thank you Char & Heather. 

I hope that this new year brings me happier times in my life.  I am so tired of being sad all the time, and hurting.

I can’t wait until this summer, when the fun begins of boating and drinking with all of my close buddies. 

“It’s something unpredictable, but in the end it’s right. I hope you have the time of your life”

You Know……

You walk through life and wonders sometimes how in the world things happen the way they do.

I look back on the past 2 years in my life and wonder how in the world I got to where I am, what I put myself through, what I have put my family and friends through, and how I’m not lost in this so called life.

Sometimes it’s very hard not to lay in bed at night and wonder, cry, laugh, and the obvious one, dream.

It seems as though lately all I want to do is get tears in my eyes, even though I can’t pinpoint on why.

Somewhere around 3 months ago this girl named Robin walked into my life. She is the only one who it seems I can talk to without being judged in the things I do. Even though she doesn’t know it, I thank her everyday for the smiles we have shared.

I can only hope that someday in my life I figure out what is wrong with me, why I feel the way I do someday, until then I will just keep walking down the road of life.

And to the ONE person who is reading this right now, continue to have fun and live your life to the fullest. This winter I owe you a night out, and it will be amazing. You as a great friend, make it all seem okay.

To the people who will not read this, thank you for being in my life anyway.

“We were meant to live for so much more”

-Tyler

Feelings of Love

I came to the realization that loving someone or “falling in love” with somebody who does not and probably will not love you back is one of the hardest things that a person will ever have to go through. 

She came over Friday night, she is back in the country for a couple weeks and we got to hang out for the first time since she was back.  It was great to see her again, as it has been 6 months since the last time I had seen her, and emails and instant messages were getting a little old.  She had promised me a hug for about the past 2 months since she new that she was coming back and a hug I did recieve.  It’s quite amazing how the littlest things can make you smile and feel so good. 

The rest of the night was pretty fun, just drinking and talking, and me falling more and more.  I learned that when you have feelings about somebody it is really hard to shake them especially if you’re sitting right across from that person all night and can’t do a single thing about the way that you feel.

I know that she has a boyfriend back where she goes to school, and I’m fine with that.  I just wish that things were a little bit more easier to deal with.  I hope that the new year brings me a break from what seems like such an agonizing time. 

I Welcome Myself

I am going to take a minute and welcome myself to the wonderful world of “blogging”.  I am not sure exactly what I expect to get out of this website except welcome some of you into the mind of a guy just trying to live the dream. 

I think that I am most likely on here to let out some of my true feelings to the world, and this seems like a place that I can do it without being judged.

I hope that I can bring to you my life as I see it in my eyes, and I hope that you enjoy taking a walk in my shoes.

Welcome Tyler.