I love them because when I am with my family, everything in my life seems perfect.  Everything seems exactly how it should.  I spent 4 days at my mom’s house drinking wine and relaxing with all my brothers and family.  It was quite possibly the most amazing Christmas I can remember in a long time.

I hate the holidays.

Whether the holidays are upon me, or already past I have never felt so alone in my life.  I wish I had somebody to share the happiest time of the year with.  I had to be alone….Will I be like this forever????   I am always glad to see the holidays leave, then I can’t back to my “normal” life.

I could lookout and enjoy the snow forever, but I hate the cold

I could lay on the couch next to the woodburner and cuddle for the rest of my days, but reality sets in.

Many times I wonder when I will be happy like I know I am supposed to be.  I just know however that eventually, it has to happen.  I can’t put my heart and mind through this useless torture all my life.

I hope that all your holidays were amazing…I love you all

Holy shit.

I moved in with my older brother last week and I love it so much.  We get a long great and we are best friends.  It was the best decision I have ever made.  I actually look forward to coming home now, and not having to deal with all of the drama.

My life is good right now, and I hope that doesnt change any time soon.  As my good friends Blue October would say “I’m independantly Happy” 

I wish I had more to write about, but I just don’t

We are having my fall party here in 2 weeks, so if anyone wants to come??

I’m staying here.

I’m sorry that I watched you cry that night because I upset you so much

I’m sorry that even though I tried to be a decent friend, I failed

I’m sorry that I never told you how I felt about you

I’m sorry that I fell for you, and gave up it

I’m sorry that you didn’t get to go with us on the trip

I’m sorry that was my fault that you didn’t go

I’m sorry that we don’t have our Sundays anymore together

But more then anything…..

I’m sorry that I miss you so much, but I am too afraid to admit that to you.

I miss you.

*Steve

*Bo

*Dan

*Travis

*Keith

*Moose

*Whitney

*Eric

*Andy

*Steph

*Ali

*Don

*Drew

*McKay

*JOJO

*Brian

*Goob

*Erin

*Jess

This weekend was our annual float trip.  The same group of people go every year and we just have the times of our lives.  There is a lot of drinking a lot of partying and a lot of friendships.  I love you all so much, you all are my best friends.  I hope that we can do this for many years to come.  Without you all I don’t know where I would be.

I came home last night and I wasn’t sure how I react when it was all said and done and I was laying in bed alone.  I thought that maybe I would cry, or maybe I would just smile about the weekend and what had just happen.  I DID BOTH.

Thank you all for the amazing weekend and the amazing time.  I hope you all walked away from this weekend with the biggest smiles on your faces. 

Until next year……

Thank you for making me smile and bringing out the life in me that I need.
I miss you.

This could very well possibly turn into an amazing thing for everybody involved though.  My dad and I are going to get an apartment together, we are very very close so that will be an exciting thing.

I still hope that someday my dad and everyone I know finds the person who makes them whole, who makes them smile at just the very thought of seeing them, the person who makes your heart beat faster whenever you hear their voice.  We all deserve that, don’t we?

Many people have a hard time understanding depression, and accepting that they have it.  I have no problems accepting that I have it, it is just something that I have gotton used too.  

I have already hit my all time low, and that was around a year and a half ago, things were bad…..and I mean very bad.  Over the past year, I have gotton a lot better, and been a lot happier.   This week has been really really rough on me though so far, and I am slipping into a low.   It’s hard to explain to your roommates and friends why you lay in bed, sit on the porch,lay in the grass and cry.   They try not to judge you, but you know they are. 

I know that being lonely is the root of all my evil, and I hope that someday I will find what I have been looking for.   I know that the next 2 months are going to be really hard…I have 3 weddings.    Don’t get me wrong I am very very happy for my friends who are so in love, and who have found the one that they are looking for; but at the same time, I just wanna say “fuck you”

I will make it through this low in my life, and be somewhat happy again.  I do know that I will have lows like this for the rest of my life, and I have accepted that.

To all my friends who have watched me cry and tried not to judge……I love you.

—-Ty

I don’t like you anymore.

I WILL BE HAPPY AGAIN.

Please stop holding me down.